Happy Father’s Day to all the papa’s out there!
I know this really isn’t a personal finance post, but instead random thoughts and musings of an adult child going “home,” and the dynamic of hanging out with the ‘rents.
1. I have a really hard time watching my dad eat. He inhales his food (or slurps soup 80 miles per hour), and constantly has some kind of food or sauce on his face and never notices. I try to avoid eating most meals around him because I seriously might go crazy! How do you not notice the mayonnaise on your nose!!!???
2. I still feel the need to tell them when I’m going out and approximately what time I’ll be back.
3. My dad and stepmom hold “Tonya Summits” when I’m out, where they discuss (aka assume) certain things about my behavior or personality. “Ton, we noticed you were really quiet in the car on the way to dinner…we think you’re depressed.” “Oh no I was just checking my email because I’m waiting on a response from a client.” “No, we think you’re depressed, or don’t like us very much, and we are concerned…we think you need to be institutionalized, or something.” OK, I made the last part up…but seriously it happens all the time and it makes me laugh, which just concerns them more…like I’m slightly insane too. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. I try to play this up as much as possible because it’s now become a fun little game. I’m going to start making barfing noises in the bathroom…maybe thrown in some empty bottles of vodka in the trash and see if they notice.
4. My mom thinks I walk on water and/or am seriously funnier than anyone who has ever appeared on SNL. This boosts my ego quite a bit, till I end up at some random dinner party and open my mouth to say something witty, only to hear crickets chirping. “Ahaaa ahahhhaa ha ha ha cough cough”…crickets.
5. My stepmom is super territorial about her kitchen. I try to be really helpful, like putting the dishes in the dishwasher, and then I walk away and hear her re-arranging things. I realize I’m also this way about my own kitchen…is this a woman thing?
6. Going by my old high school makes me feel really old. I mean it feels like yesterday when I rolled up into the parking lot in my Escort, sporting my acid-washed jeans, neon top, and big-ass perm. Dang I was hot. Rarrrr!
7. I kind of fear running into people I know from the past and forgetting who they are. Do I just flat-out ask, or go along with the conversation as if I remember them?
8. The price of homes here just makes me fall to my knees and weep uncontrollably.
9. I still giggle/cringe at certain Michigan accents. “I’m going to” is pronounced “imunna,” “to” is pronounced “tuh,” and “for” is pronounced “fir.” My name is often pronounced “Taaaahnya.” And damn the weather has been “haht.”
BTW if you want to see a complete list of Michigan pronunciations check out this website. I was doubled over laughing.
10. I’m having the hardest time sleeping because it’s way too quiet. I miss LAX airplane noise!
11. Detroit has considerably way better radio stations then LA. Fir sure. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Every other station in LA is Ranchera.
12. There is, like, one Starbucks (in Target) in the area my parents live, and about 10 within a one-mile radius where I live in LA.
13. The highways are fucking amazing (pardon my French)! OK maybe not everywhere in the city, but I feel like I’m driving on a country road on a lazy Sunday when I compare it to the suck-fest that is LA freeways.
14. My dad and stepmom watch a lot of golf on TV, which bores the hell out of me, so I’ve been in “my room,” which probably makes them think I’m cutting, or overdosing on heroin…perhaps writing my lover in prison. I like to keep up the facade. See #3. hee hee. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
15. My dad likes to do that thing where he says “hey Ton, what was the name of that guy that was in that movie with that girl who was in that thing about that one dude who does that thing to this cop and drives that car made by that company…?” Usually I can figure out what he’s talking about, but I like to mess with him: “Sonny Bono?” “Nooo, that one guy…you know he’s tall…?” “Tom Cruise?” “NO! I said he was tall!” “Prince?” “Goddammit Tonya!”
Ah…good times. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.